By Agatha Christie Akello
Let me tell you what my campus dating experience actually was versus my imaginative expectations! Remember that jam by Dr. Hilderman, in which he sang, “Campus girl oh oh, the way you move, everybody go oh oh….”? Well, I thought I would be able to find a way to get money and any other goods I wanted from rich men, get a car and drive off without giving them what they thought I would give them – ha ha! Obviously, I learnt the hard way that campus is more than partying and finessing.
Makerere University attracts people from different backgrounds and nurturance. Not only is the campus experience an exciting opportunity to meet new people, it is also a chance to figure out what happens in boy-girl relationships without judgment from your peers, the prying eyes of senior woman teachers, wardens and ironically restrictive school rules.
The new found freedom is what fed our delusions of getting lifelong partners in a pool of equally underdeveloped peers, having enough hook ups to last a lifetime, and enjoying all kinds of benefits, all without academic consequences. As if! Much as diversity is the spice of life, the version served at Makerere is what often causes confusion in the dating pool.
It is possible that nothing I say will change your mind about the way you have chosen to give and receive love. So at the risk of sounding cliché and getting in the way of your character development, here is what I hope is a helpful guide to dating at campus, gleaned from conversations I had with a few open-minded friends.
(PS. If you must break the rules, do not break the last one)
- Have fun! Congratulations to your parents for meeting at Makerere, but your wife/husband is likely not to be there in this era. Dating is about learning and understanding how a person’s perspectives on life fit into your long term goals. Be honest, between the ages of 18-23, are you asking questions about life or trying menus at overpriced Kololo restaurants? Exactly! So have fun, expand your social circles and for goodness sake, do not cohabit!
- Lower your expectations. Pure, idealistic and enjoyable, that’s what relationships at campus should feel like. Whereas it’s great to have standards, ask yourself if your peers are honestly capable of meeting them - especially financial ones. The majority do not have the means to give you luxurious experiences. Why are you expecting trips from a dependent who only has a Bluetooth speaker and smartphone to their name? There are inexpensive ways to spend time together, be creative.
- Have the conversation. This one is for my people who catch feelings on the first date or assume that situationships will morph into something more. Please have the cringe “What are we?” conversation. You do not want to waste your exploration bundles on an uncertain relationship. Plus not only is it okay to voice your desires. It is recommended.
- Date within your age group. It is perfectly okay to have platonic older friends who can provide mentorship from time to time. However, a romantic relationship with someone significantly older than you can be tricky ground! Older people are often more financially stable, confident and sure of what they want, which can easily lead to you being pressured to go their route, or worse, manipulation and abuse. Give yourself time and grace to grow at the right pace.
- Be bold about your choices. Do not do things you are uncomfortable with (yes, you can leave when they start playing truth or dare). Although common in university settings, hooking up is not a form of intimacy. It is okay to be a virgin, not everyone has to go through a hoe phase; besides, jumping from person to person could potentially stagnate your ability to commit and form solid healthy relationships in the future. You can explore with limits.
- Go to class. You are at the prestigious hill to build for the future, not participate in ambiguous romantic relationships. Do not lose sight of this! Everything in moderation. The graduation caption reads “A degree hotter”, not a spouse hotter. You have plenty of time to find a lifelong partner.
- Sex is normal. So the senior woman teacher said it is taboo, and the older boys have made you believe it is accessible. Those were their opinions. Sex can and should be enjoyed in a safe, healthy and respectful way. Find out for yourself what you need to know about it - who to have it with, where, and very importantly, when. Make use of the university hospital and ask about their Sexual Reproductive Health Services.
- Lastly, if it’s not on, it’s not safe! This is a broken record that many like to ignore. There is no coming back from the consequences of unplanned pregnancy or painful STIs and bacterial infections. If you are going to indulge, take responsibility for your health and use the free pink condoms littered around campus, or buy yours if you’re bad and boujee. Whatever you do, use condoms!
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